Free will is this beautiful thing, but at times it feels like a curse, because so often, I feel like the death in me will always win over the part of me that knows what choices will actually bring me joy and fullness. Instead, I consistently choose the easier path because I am lazy, because I have given up, because I am scared. Why?
Saint Augustine writes, “I could no longer claim that I had no clear perception of the truth- the excuse which I used to make to myself for postponing my renunciation of the world and my entry into your service – for by now I was quite certain of it. But I was still bound to earth and refused to serve in your army. Instead of fearing, as I ought, to be held back by all that encumbered me, I was frightened to be free of it. In fact I bore the burden of the world as contentedly as one sometimes bears a heavy load of sleep. My thoughts, as I meditated upon you, were like the efforts of a man who tries to wake but cannot and sinks back into the depths of slumber.”
Why do we choose this post-turkey slumber? Why do we delay choosing life and letting death win over us?