I wrote this a couple of weeks ago. I was feeling particularly down and out having raised little support and now looking back reading it, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had been too honest and shared too much. I received a text from a friend not too long after I posted, that said she was really glad I had shared because it spoke of many worries in the life of a missionary. It’s something I’m coming up against more and more as I venture into more uncertainty in life. Just because we make choices, does not mean that we encounter any more “sureness” once we decide. We choose and then ask for grace to follow through and go wholeheartedly. I’m hoping to write lots more throughout this summer.
Choose and then ask,
Hello to whomever has stumbled upon this read!
I will be going to Halifax this summer for Impact 2.0. I go kicking and screaming less so this time round. Last summer, as much as I wanted to go, it was much more of something I thought I should do. I have chosen freely, to go on Impact again. It’s less than one month away and I’m starting to freak. out…because not only have I not found a job, but I also have raised a total of $75 for this trip. I’m beginning to have mad flashbacks of last summer. Suddenly, I’ve forgotten that I CHOSE THIS. IT WAS A FREE CHOICE. (Though it’s costing a fortune haha…get it?) Anyways, I’ve decided to write a list of all the reasons I’m going so that a) when my mum asks for the 100th time WHY I’m going, I can give her a succinct answer and b) so that when the going gets tough, I can remember why Impact 2.0 is going to be da bomb. Yes, I just said “da bomb.” In fact, that is what I’ll call this list…
Reasons why Impact 2.0 is going to be da bomb and I. am. going.:
- I am continuing to build a foundation of faith that will support me for the rest of my life
- I will learn to love so that I am a better daughter, friend, and student when I come home (not to mention the lessons learned on Impact stick with you forever so who knows how this will impact what kind of wife/mother I become….assuming that is my life path).
- I can spend time to discern where God seeks me to go after I graduate and let Him reveal to me His plans
- to enable people to become more of who God wants them to be and less of who I want them to be
- to learn daily to die to self and not solely love when I feel like it
- to learn to consistently love asking for nothing in return
- to learn to let people into my life instead of being afraid of letting myself be vulnerable
- to grow in humility and confidence in Jesus, not placing my confidence in things that will not last
- to pray for people back home
- to learn to stop trying to please other people and please God instead
- to learn to truly love others for the beauty of their hearts and not the beauty of their bodies
- to get to know Jesus as a leader
WOWZA! And I could have kept going. Side note – that’s not to say you can’t accomplish any of these things right where you are…but I know for me, I need that added push of people around me who are equally driven to really get me going or should I say growing.
There are so many reasons why I know I am going…but this whole freaking out has got me thinking about how often in our own faith journeys we have forgotten that it is something we have chosen. I ask you, when did it all start becoming a DUTY and stop being a great LOVE AFFAIR between you and God?? Going to mass on Sunday….habit or necessity? Remaining chaste…obligation or choice?
So I guess, the question becomes…how do we Christians keep the romance alive?
This all reminds me about this song…”I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it when it’s all about you…it’s all about you Jesus.”
Which brings me to the numba one reason I’m going? Because last summer, my faith stopped being a duty and turned into a great love story and I want the same for others.
Freely in love,