We’re so excited to bring you our first follow-up!! You might remember several months ago right around Valentine’s we published a series called ‘Divine Romance’ about being single-hearted. Don’t be fooled by our #cheesy titles, the series gave us much to ponder and pray about. A couple weeks ago, Emily approached us wanting to write a follow-up and we were beyond excited to hear what she had to say 😉 You won’t want to miss this…
If you need extra prayers, leave your name in the comments and Becs and I will keep your intentions in our prayer time.
Eat an extra scoop of peanut butter for me today,
“The Lord is my healer” by returning blogger Emily Arsenault
I would like to write a follow up to my “Single-Hearted Series” entry, because I believe I can bless women with my story. I am richly blessed and want all of you single and waitings to have hope!
At 21, turning 22, I broke off an engagement. This was 3 years ago and the roughest experience of my life, and I was hurting for a long time, asking, “Why, God, did this happen to me?”
Over the past year, I have noticed that I have become restless… often rushing, busy, “go, go, go”. I would resent things that took up my time. I was easily annoyed by people and impatient. I didn’t feel I had love to give and felt exhausted. I knew I needed silence and solitude.
When I would rest, at a retreat of some kind, I would realize, “Something is wrong, I am sad. I am angry, I need a breakthrough.” When I was alone I was bored. In prayer when I tried to listen, I was uncomfortable.
As far as relationships went, I was longing and praying more than ever for a companion. This is a lonely place! At the advice of a priest, I tried online dating. It was fine but I realized, I have to stop trying to make this happen. I prayed a novena to Padre Pio early in the year, with the intention of being content in my singlehood, putting the Lord first and meeting a man in His will and in His time.
On March 16th I spoke with my spiritual director and shared how I felt about my restlessness and trouble listening to God in silence. The sister asked, “Why are you afraid of what God will say?”
I replied, “I think that He will ask me to do something that will be hard and painful and I’m so mad at him that the last big decision that I made really hurt me.”
“Why, God?” is the voice of the accuser, said my director, “Read Ezekiel 36, “My name has been profaned…I will give you a new heart… I will restore you.” “
I had been blaming God, it was my own spiritual and emotional immaturity that lead me to that poor decision of engagement. God did not will that pain in my life, He is good. I didn’t have to be afraid of what he would ask of me.
What a gentle release! What healing!
I felt open to change and sensed something new was coming.
I could rest, I could be honest with the Lord in prayer and let go of my plan for the day. I had new freedom and HOPE. Because I was filled with love from the Lord, I had patience and time to give to others. I had new honesty and intimacy in prayer. I often listened to the songs, “Here” and “Steady my Heart” by Kari Jobe.
On April 16th my boyfriend and I started dating. We had been friends since January, unknowingly interested in each other all along! The Lord knew I wasn’t ready and His timing is brilliant.
This man is loving, gentle, pure, patient, generous, strong…. He loves the Lord and he makes me laugh so hard it hurts. Also, he is crazy about me.
I feel like a child, free and honest. I live in the moment.
Looking back at my past self when I was hurting and asking “Why?”, if I could tell myself something, it would be to let God romance me. John writes Jesus’ words in chapter 6, verse 35, “…he who comes to me shall not hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst.”
I was unsatisfied and anxious about my life because I wasn’t really going to Him. I don’t think I believed that He is good and He IS love.
I was sharing with a wise friend about how fun and easy it is to be in this new relationship and that I am in a time of such spiritual consolation. She said, “Yes, and the hard parts when your wounds show themselves will come!”
She was right. ; ) Would it be real if it didn’t challenge me to holiness?