Becca / Reflections

Planning Our Marriage, Not Our Wedding

While chatting with E last month, she prodded me to blog more about the journey of preparing for marriage. The trouble is, I am learning so much but don’t feel as though I’ve made sufficient sense of things to write a post.


It’s us! Photo cred to Andrew Turski

I’ve definitely fallen into the Pinterest rabbit hole. After scrolling through too many perfectly styled images, it’s easy to feel as though your own big day will never measure up or that everything will feel piecemeal and awkward. (Pinterest-envy aside, I’ve also found resources that are far more helpful, such as Stephanie Calis’ blog Captive the Heart. She also has a book that just came out with Pauline Press which I am eager to dive into.)

I’ve lost perspective at times and laid awake at all hours of the night wondering what will go wrong the day-of.

That said, the one part of the whole day that provokes no anxiety is the Mass itself…like, the actually getting married part. When I stop to think about it, I know deep down that even if things go gloriously, horribly or hilariously wrong during the ceremony, it will all be just fine because the Holy Spirit will be there in full force. It will be powerful, and perfectly imperfect.

Being able to do this adventure alongside the man I love and writing a big blank cheque to God when we say ‘I DO’ is simultaneously thrilling and nerve-wracking. What will this YES entail? It’s a yes to sacrifice, a yes to joy, a yes to heartbreak, and a commitment to continual growth and humility. And this period of engagement is one where I’m trying to prepare my heart for that.

I’m drawing courage from this quote by Pope Francis of late:

“Some are called to holiness through family life in the sacrament of marriage. Today, there are those who say that marriage is out of fashion. Is it out of fashion? In a culture of relativism and the ephemeral, many preach the importance of ‘enjoying’ the moment. They say that it is not worth making a life-long commitment, making a definitive decision, ‘for ever,’ because we do not know what tomorrow will bring. I ask you, instead, to be revolutionaries, I ask you to swim against the tide; yes, I am asking you to rebel against this culture that sees everything as temporary and that ultimately believes you are incapable of responsibility, that believes you are incapable of true love. I have confidence in you and I pray for you.”

Beautiful, right?

This time of preparation has been thrilling but haaaaard work. Mostly because it entails surrender which is counter cultural for sure, and counter intuitive for my Type A-self.

So, friends, I’m curious: any advice for me? If you’re married, what have you learned? If not, what do you know and what are your dreams for the future?

In faith,


2 thoughts on “Planning Our Marriage, Not Our Wedding

  1. Congrats on making steps to what I can say is the best decision I’ve ever made!!! Contrary to the tons of horror stories out there, with God at the center of your marriage (or anything else for that matter 🙂 ) You can’t help but win. After 17 years, I can say it is not easy. But when you work TOGETHER, realizing that you are indeed a team, a strong force, you can wart of fiercest of attacks that may come your way. This is for LIFE, so divorce is NOT an option, no matter what. You can’t quit. He is your best friend. Grocery shop together, date each other, plant flowers together, pray together, watch favorite shows together. HAVE FUN!!!! Too much to say. 🙂 I don’t even know you and I am excited for all the great things in store for you. Enjoy your special day. Remember, it’s not about the cake, the flowers, the perfect song or dance. That day is only the start of a lifelong adventure. Enjoy every moment of it. Blessings to you both. Check out my latest post. It may give you a bit of insight.:-)

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